Twenty-Five

Celebration of life is a title used only to describe a service where family and friends pay tribute to their loved ones. Today, my family seemingly individually celebrated the birth of my niece. Every year since her death, we have called each other on the phone, laughing and then silently cry to ourselves as we share our memories of her. But today was different. For me, it was reminiscing about when her mother went in labor with her while polishing my shoes, our relationship growing up more like sisters than aunt and niece, and her legacy. Her legacy is her smile and counterintuitively the lessons I acquired from her unexpected departure from this Earth. One thing for sure is that I learned the true meaning of loving harder:

• Be more compassionate and less critical.

• Accept people for who they are

• Lose no time, love in spite of differences

The most critical lesson learned was there is no escaping grief. I tried, and it nearly suffocated the life out of me. Her death seemed surreal even though I picked out the dress she was buried in, approved her hair and makeup, and touched her cold, stiff body; I still couldn't believe it. I compartmentalized my grief and pain, and every time I visited home, it gnawed at me. I thank God that I am overcoming the pain and suffering. Now, instead of running and dismissing thoughts of her, I am processing my grief and making it a point to celebrate her and her legacy instead of focusing on her death. I know she is alive in Heaven, smiling and being the leader she was on Earth. Happy 25th Birthday, Kiana Jardae. I celebrate you today by launching my blog, Unfinished, in your honor and symbolic biblical meaning of 25, grace upon grace and redemption.  P.S. #preach