Are You Really Caring for Yourself?
“You can't pour from an empty cup!”
“Who cares if feelings are hurt, self-care isn't selfish.”
“Self-care is not selfish.”
“Saying no can be the best form of self-care.”
These are a few quotes I have come across while perusing Facebook and over the last most. I must admit the selections are pretty feisty and boss womanish. As I read them, I was fixing my crown and saying, "Yea. Then, I couldn’t help but think, are women, I included, really taking care of ourselves? When I was growing up, I would hear of men in our small community dying out from heart attacks and strokes, leaving their wives and children behind. As the old folks said, their deaths were attributed to poor diet, overworking, drinking too much, or punishment for terrible deeds. Statistics today show that heart disease is the number one cause of death in women and men, and more women die annually than men. This is agonizing because there have been moments where I thought I was having a heart attack. I had most symptoms (e.g., headaches, arm pain, pressure in my chest, gastrointestinal problems, etc...), which were later connected to long periods of exhaustion and stress.
After several episodes over the last two years, I decided to set a few meaningful goals for myself, with the most precedence to improve my psychological and physical well-being. I shared my self-care declaration with my husband and son before the as if I was preparing THEM for change. I informed them of the things I would and would no longer be doing: “I will not constantly pick up behind you, and I am not stressing about anything. I am taking better care of myself.” I spoke with great confidence, preparing them for change, but I wasn’t prepared. I did not have an authentic understanding of self-care. I made my routine visits to the nail and hair salon and even sometimes purchased nice things for myself, but I was still mentally and physically drained at the end of the day. This was obviously not the result of self-care.
So, I did a little research. In a nutshell, self-care is “mens sana in corpore sano,” a Latin phrase that means having a sound mind in a sound body. To cultivate self-care, you should maintain a healthy mental and physical relationship with yourself. How you foster self-care is more than a notion. You have to think small instead of thinking big. What are little things you can do to have a healthy relationship with yourself? For me, it is disconnecting from my computer and cell phone. I spend entirely too much time at my computer working. I realized that most of my “me” time I gave demands to acquire went to Microsoft Word, Canvas, and checking and responding to emails. On top of that, I would find myself checking and sometimes responding to emails every time the alert binged, never allowing my mind to rest, causing psychological and physical stress to my body.
This forced me to have a heart-to-heart with myself- Jo, you are important. God did not create you to work every minute, every day. You must be intentional about taking care of yourself. After praying and thinking, the word non-negotiables came to mind. I recall a time when I taught middle school. My principal would say, “When we conduct walk-throughs, we are looking for the non-negotiables posted on your boards.”; And when they came through with their clipboards, they would stop, look at the board, and I could literally motion of a check-mark being placed by my name. I started making a list of non-negotiables. It was not as easy as it sounds; there were moments of deep thought and twirling of my hair around my finger. My list started with ten vague points, and then I narrowed it down to five daily non-negotiables for myself. I typed and printed them, posting them on my home office wall to hold myself accountable for taking care of me. Some days, I fall short, but I am compassionate to myself, remembering this a process. I encourage you to do the same and share your progress.